| Ticking Away |
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| 04:33pm 26/05/2006 |
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Long time, no post. I've been around though - just reading. I keep seeing these around and wanted to post it somewhere to see where I'm at....
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(3 Thoughts | Share Your Thoughts) |
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| Three Months Later... |
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| 09:04pm 06/10/2004 |
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mood:  full music: Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy - Big & Rich
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So it's been another three months since I've written a thing. Work is so crazy, I don't have time to be a slacker there anymore. This is making up for all the times in the past that I've griped about being bored. I'm definitely not bored.
So I'm sitting here making an all new Sara - dyeing my hair and teeth at the same time. If I only could drop the eight "stress" pounds I've gained, I'd be perfectly happy. Probably eating at Claim Jumper tonight didn't help that much.
Derr found out he's being promoted today. Yeah. He'll be in a new unit that is armed. It's kinda scary to think that he'll be busting into druggie's homes with a weapon. But he's really happy about and has been hoping to receive this opportunity.
Not much else is really going on. I'm going to see Norah Jones this weekend at the Hollywood Bowl. That should be a good show. I've had quite the eclectic line-up of shows this summer from Barenaked Ladies to Toby Keith, then Norah, and to wrap it all up, Steven Curtis Chapman. I'm really looking forward to that concert.
Life is good overall. I wish I had the motivation to make the day to day entries, so I don't make this rambling overarching entries that encapsulate three months of my life into three paragraphs that gloss over the details of life. Like us camping last month and being caught in hail, the huge event I coordinated at work a few weeks ago that worried me sick and cause quite a few 10-12 hour days, or how about the student employee I had to put on suspension last week. Yes, that was fun. What an idiot - he was running a personal website on the corporate server. My boss is leaning towards termination, and I'm afraid that is what it might come to. I'm a little wary about my other web developer, because he seems to hate the job at times. He doesn't seem to buy into the idea of teamwork.
Good thing I start my supervisor class next week. I'm afraid I have a lot to learn, but after 10 weeks, I should be a pro. (Right, and I'm going to lose the 8 pounds by tomorrow).
Well I think it's about time for the white strips to come off and I don't want my hair to fall out either. Thought I could squeeze in a quick hey-there, hi-there before another three months passed by. Dude - that will be Christmas. That's scary!!! |
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(2 Thoughts | Share Your Thoughts) |
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| Catch-Up |
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| 06:07pm 04/07/2004 |
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mood: full
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Oh.my.god.
Look who is writing in this damn journal. No, it hasn't been hijacked by aliens, not hacked into by terrorists. No, this really is me, and I am really writing today.
Happy 4th.
I'm stuffed. We just had a bbq in the backyard with Derrick's buddy and now the boys are downstairs playing video games and I'm chilling on the computer. What a nerd, yes I know. Actually, I am supposed to be working on a project for my mom for the restaurant, but I am procrastinating.
So the big news of my life and thereby why I haven't been able to do much of anything on the internet is my new-found position in management. Yes, me. I'm a Marketing Manager. very odd. I've been so used to coasting through work as an admin. asst. always reporting to, never delegating to. Dude, never responsible that way. But anyhow I was offered the promotion and I decided it was an opportunity I couldn't pass up.
This has been a crazy crazy year. Heartbreaking, nerve wracking and unforgettable, though wished to be forgettable. My family has been hurt and devastated and I have dealt with thoughts I've never before imagined. I'm healing. I've come a long way. I feel that with this promotion, I've come full-circle. I'm not who I was a year ago, but I'm not broken. I feel it's the same with my brother. Ironically we both found out about new job opportunities on the same exact day. He'll be starting the police academy next week. My mom didn't come over today for the bbq because she's with her new boyfriend. Eek. I can't belive I just wrote that. I've come to accept it - somewhat. My dad I haven't seen in over a year. Haven't spoken to in over a year. Haven't even heard from in writing since February. I don't know what's to become of this situation, but it's not in my hands right now. I feel that I've been given the ability to wait - to not deal with it until I'm ready. It's a control issue I suppose and the fact that it might hurt it makes it just a bit better as well.
Anyhow. That's my busy life. I'm not waitressing anymore. Yeah! I said I would never go back to working 40 hours a week - but it's not so bad. Especially considering that I've been working 40+ with the restaurant and my other job combined. I'm getting into the mindset of "manager." Very odd transition. Especially since I now supervise someone who I was kinda working as an assistant for indirectly. It will definitely be a challenge, but I think that I'm up for it.
Well enough for now - I can't even bother to catch up to where I ended. Too much work and I'm too fat and lazy right now to think about it. My hamburger is just weighing me down! |
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(1 Thought | Share Your Thoughts) |
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| Weary of Worry |
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| 03:19pm 14/02/2004 |
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mood:  worried music: BNL
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So many changes. I get so tired of everything. I just finished my marathon TV watching afternoon. 3 hours of Lizzie McGuire. Seriously, something is wrong with me. I must admit I do feel better.
I just finished figuring our finances for the month. We're -$100 overall for the month. And when I look at our credit card statements - oh, I don't want to go there. I keep reminding myself that we have money set aside, but I don't like it when the month to month money doesn't come out in the black.
Deep breath.
We're okay. It's one month and I know that we're okay. My DMV tags were due this month and those were $130 on their own.
No more finances.
Well, work is a little stressful as well. I have found over the last year that I am not a person of change. Not at all. And there has been oh, so much of it. From my family to my job. The only thing I need now is to get pregnant and really throw my life for another loop.
My mantra for this week that I shall repeat faithfully is "I will not worry about things that have not come to pass and I will not worry about things I cannot change" |
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(1 Thought | Share Your Thoughts) |
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| Isn't It Ironic |
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| 07:41pm 08/01/2004 |
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mood:  amused
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We've been planning this for a month now in the office. We are getting new carpet. Our current carpet is disgusting, mismatched, and torn. And about four months ago a sprinkler head in the hallway outside of our office burst and water flooded underneath the quasi-wall that separates us from the hallway and took the final toll on the carpet.
We were told that the old carpet did not meet the "standards" of the building. So they opened up the wallet and we picked out a new multi-colored piece of office carpet.
Today was the day. New carpet. We've packed our office and moved it next door for the time being. Yes, they love us over there with junk piled all over.
A one day affair we were told. Move out the furniture. Lay down the rug. Load it all back in.
No problem.
Ah so easy in plan. And as of 3pm, so good in reality. The carpet was laid, the furniture was being moved back it. It was truly a fabulous moment.
And then it happened. Two of the student assistants from the Building Engineering crew were fixing the water fountain in this very same cursed hallway and a pipe burst.
A freakin' pipe burst and water started flooding the hallway. Deja-vu.
It's moments like those that you just stand there, shake your head, and chuckle at the irony of life.
As Alanis put is so eloquently: Isn't it ironic? Don't you think? A little too ironic I really do think. It's like raaain on your wedding day. It's a free ride when you've already paid.
It's like new carrrpet and a flood that day.
So the new wet carpet (location: my workspace) had to be pulled up because the glue hadn't set and was actually starting to seep through into the multi-color fabric. They are planning on reglue-ing it tomorrow.
The plan looked so good on paper. |
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| 08:37pm 07/01/2004 |
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mood:  cynical music: South Park Chatter
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My counselor tells me that everything is fine. I'm perfectly normal. It's just a life stage and I'm dealing with hurt. Okay. She's the one being paid by the hour so I'll try to believe her. I don't know why when I sit there I can't adequately express myself. My mind freezes and I stare at the wall. I realized today that the picture above the end table across from me needs to be moved down. It's hung too high and slightly to the right. It was annoying me as I struggled to express my self-doubt, apathy towards family, and my worries about superficiality.
I'm glad that the holidays are over. They went well, but the release of all the pent-up emotions, frustrations, and hurt in the aftermath of the holidays wore me out. But of course to all who ask: My holidays were great.
My husband is asleep downstairs still in his slacks and shirt. I hear South Park playing in the background. I hate that I laugh at that show. I know my uncle hates that I laugh at the show since the highlight of my Christmas was teaching my four year-old cousin to say "I do what I want. Whatever" - courtesy of South Park.
She's cute. My little Asian cousin. I marvel at how she can switch from one language to the other. I'm jealous. I would love to be able to speak another language. I would also like to learn to sign.
Hell. I would like to freakin' clean out the closet downstairs.
I've been looking forward all day to coming home and spending time with my husband tonight. I had to work Monday night and I attended a candle party last night where I charged overpriced candles to my mastercard. But they don't have lead, they are fabulous. A must for every house.
Sensing a bit of cynicism in my writing tonight, eh?
Anyhow - as I was saying before my cynic side interrupted. I've been looking forward to coming home tonight, relaxing, watching TV and enjoying my low-point snack of popcorn and hot chocolate. However, instead I am up here reading journals and typing myself. Why? That's right, I'm going to go enjoy time with my husband... guess I better go wake his butt up first. |
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(Share Your Thoughts) |
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| Me? Emotional? Never.... |
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| 03:06pm 12/12/2003 |
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mood: full music: Oasis. What am I Thinking?????
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Today has been long.... and it's only 3pm. It's only going to get longer as I leave one job for another!
I had a very heavy, melancholy feeling today that has now been replaced with a heavy, full tummy thanks to the open house for the campus staff. Ugh. I was going to be so careful today too with my eating - I planned it all out. All for naught I see. Oh well - I tasted good, and hopefully we'll be nice and busy tonight at the restaurant so I can work it all off. Yeah, sure.
So this weekend. I think I might attempt to get into the holiday spirit and actually do some things for the holidays. You know, a tree might be nice, a decoration or two, heck, let's not take this too far, but maybe I'll wrap a gift. That's about the only thing I have done is buy some presents.
This week has been up and down and all together emotionally charged. My boss announced his leaving officially, I had a draining counseling session on Wednesday, and my eating habits have been awful since we don't have a sink and I haven't been cooking regularly. I think it just all kinda hit me today, but I had a nice chit-chat with my hubby, who is so understanding and sweet. I called my mom and we tried to lift each other's spirits, and I even had a cathartic experience with my boss, as I even shed a tear. *gasp*.
Well the time has come to leave and head over for some waitressing fun. Here's hoping to lots o' cash. |
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| Guess Who's Going to See BNL? |
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| 02:02pm 14/11/2003 |
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mood:  happy music: What's So Maybe About Katie - BNL
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Yes that would be ME. Score. All the crap going on lately had gotten me out of the loop on things, so I found out yesterday that they were going to be in LA next week. Yes, yesterday. Yes, I've been living under a rock.
So I scored some tickets on Ebay. My only concern is that I haven't heard from the seller yet. Hmmm. Those puppies gotta get out in the mail.
I'm excited. Not only do I get to see BNL *live*, I'm going with Jess, who I haven't had the chance to hang out with in forever. So I'm partying down like I'm 21 again. :grin: |
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| 01:45pm 12/11/2003 |
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mood:  depressed
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So guess who decided to update?
Yeah - I'm still here. Kinda.
I'm actually rather depressed today, so probably not the best day for my big comeback.
I'm just having a kinda rough day and no one is around to talk to or take my mind off things - so here is my last resort.
Here's my last resort, but I can't bring myself to put anything in writing. I keep writing a sentence and deleting it - afraid to disclose too much I guess. Disclose too much to myself - I don't know.
I was on vacation last week. It was really nice. Derr and I went up to Monterey for a few days. We just relaxed and enjoyed ourselves. It was my birthday. Actually my birthday itself was kinda rough. The morning started off great. We drove down to the coast, had breakfast, went horseback riding. Then we planned on driving down to Fisherman's Wharf and walking around. That's when things started to break down. Derrick and quarreled and emotions went haywire. We got things pulled together and then my cell phone rang. Twice. First my dad left a message full of birthday wishes. Then my mom called. The reason we went away for the week was to try to escape everything. Okay, that's why I wanted to go on vacation. Too bad I couldn't get away still. So we left Monterey and planned to drive down the coast to stay in another place. The drive was longer than anticipated by the time we checked - we were too worn out to do anything. So no fabulous birthday dinner. I cried in bed instead while Derrick slept.
No, our trip wasn't all bad. Just a rocky afternoon/evening. We made up dinner the next night at Claim Jumper - eating like the little piggies we are.
Oh - good news. I got a digital camera for my birthday. Yeah! I love it. I totally had fun with it on our trip and the pictures turned out pretty good too. Totally impressed.
Well to be honest - I feel a bit better now - just venting out crapola. I'm still tired. Oh, and my hair looks like poo-poo, so that doesn't help things either. Fortunately I have a hair appointment at 4pm. Woo-hoo. |
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(2 Thoughts | Share Your Thoughts) |
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| Evil Eye |
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| 02:14pm 20/08/2003 |
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mood: amused music: Hands Clean - Alanis Morisette
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I really like staring down little children who are misbehaving. Just giving them the evil eye when their ignorant parents are looking.
Case in point.
I went upstairs to handle this problem, a headache caused to me by stupid people. I went up the Accounting Window. There was a woman standing at the window and her naughty child was screeching in it's high-pitched voice while banging her little fists against the back of her mother's legs.
She sees me coming down the hall.
Evil Eye sees her back.
Stare down.
She closes her screeching mouth and pauses, little fists in the air.
My eyes squint - my annoyance clearly showing.
She's quiet. Her mother turns around and looks - what evil power has silenced her brat.
The Evil Eye disappears and I grin slightly - the grin says "aw, what a cute little hideous brat you have."
Devil Child notices that mommy turned away again. The screeching resumes and fists begin to bang again.
Evil Eye.
Silence.
They don't know what to do in the power of the Evil Eye.
There is no way on God's green earth that my child would ever get away with banging on my legs and screeching in public. Or private for that matter. They wouldn't get very far at all with that. I certainly never did as a child. My mom had the Evil Eye too. It's been passed down for generations. |
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(1 Thought | Share Your Thoughts) |
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| Weekend Hookey and Cruise Dreams |
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| 01:16pm 19/08/2003 |
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mood:  working music: I'm Out of Love - Anastasia Soundtrack
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Things have been going along okay.
Well not really okay. That is my answer to strangers who ask me how things are going.
Things suck still.
This weekend I played hookey from the family. Saturday we made a trip up to Home Depot - spend a hundred bucks on plants and dirt and planted in the backyard. It was really nice. I have a burnt back now from my tank top, but the gazebo area looks lovely now. We bought a patio furniture set the weekend before and now with the plants along the edge, it's a nice place to sit out and enjoy the fresh air.
We had dinner last night outside. It was nice.
So Saturday we planted. I broke down Saturday night and Derr was a really good comforter.
We ditched church on Sunday to sleep and then spend time to ourselves. I didn't want to speak to anyone - no family. I couldn't handle it.
I did talk to my mom briefly that night, but the day off was much needed.
Work is trudging along. We were supposed to be going to Yosemite next week, but that was canceled so Derr could play with guns. He has training all next week and the following week. Bummer.
I've decided that now I want to go on a cruise for my birthday. Just a short 5 day one down to Mexico. We might have a bit of extra money left after we spend our refi/tax money, and I told Derr that would be a fabulous birthday present - especially since there is a cruise that very week.
Derr agreed. It doesn't take much to convince him to take off from work to eat 24 hours/day and relax. I hope we can scrape together the money because we won't go if we are going to have to charge it.
We'll see. |
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| Better Friday |
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| 01:19pm 08/08/2003 |
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mood:  content music: He - Jars of Clay
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This has been quite a week. Quite a week.
I've gone through a myriad of emotions from sadness of vacation ending and going back to work, to frustration and stress at work, emotional turmoil with my family, fatigue, and finally a feeling of contentment.
Nothing happened particularly exciting last night. The dreaded project I've been working on is out of my hands for the time being - having been sent off to the powers that be. I've had some quiet time to collect my thoughts and feelings. I had a good workout last night that helped me release some of my pent-up energy and then enjoyed a nice evening relaxing with my hubby.
I think I will be able to make it through work tonight. Gotta love waitressing.
On the down side though. Our air conditioning is broken. I came home last night and Derr was out messing with it. He has no clue what's wrong and of course it's supposed to be in the 100's this weekend. Yikes! Hopefully it's something that can be fixed relatively easily..... oh and cheaply!
This weekend I have a buttload of housework to do. I'm hoping I can bust it out Saturday morning/afternoon so I can enjoy the rest of the weekend.
I'm such a monkey. I specifically bought cilantro at the store last weekend for one recipe that I was making. And I forgot to add it last night. I was just eating my leftovers and realized that I never added it. D'oh.
All in all though it's looking like it will be a good weekend.
Of course who knows what could happen... (eh - had to slip some cynicism in somewhere) |
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| Vacation, Here I Come! |
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| 03:10pm 23/07/2003 |
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mood:  ecstatic music: Forward to the Future - OC Supertones
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Going on vacation....
Wheeee........
Out of here for a week and a freakin' half!!!!!
I really don't have much else to say because, dude, my vacation started 9 minutes ago!!!
What the heck am I still doing here then!! |
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| Moral of the Day (From Yesterday, but I forgot to post...) |
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| 12:54pm 18/07/2003 |
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mood: amused music: Just Can't Wait to Be King - Lion King
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I had the most random phone call here at work today.
::Ring Ring::
S: Hello. Blah,blah office.
Hello. This is Alice calling from this financial company and I'm calling because you've been listed as a reference.
S: Great. (Who do I know who's applying for a job?)
I'm calling for a reference for J.D.
S: :pause: J.D.? (my brain is frantically spinning). J.D.? ::speaking slowly as if I'm chanelling the boss from Office Space:: Um. Yeah. I don't know anyone by that name. I don't think. Yeah.
On the other end: ::Pause:: This is Sara X?
S: Yes.... (still thinking)
He listed you as a friend.
S: A friend? Yeah. I'm sorry I don't know anyone by that name.
Okay. Thank you for your time.
Very odd. I was quite puzzled because not only did they have my work number, but also my married name.
I call the hubby.
S: Hey babe. Do you know anyone by the name of J.D.?
D: J.D.? Nope.
S: I tell him the story.... So yeah. He listed me as a friend.
D: Did you tell them that we don't believe in friends?
S: Ha.ha. You're so not funny.
D: Well I don't know what to tell you - maybe someone at work?
So I think.
And I think.
And then it dawns on me.
I forgot to feed the cat this morning. Oh crap!
Oh, and I remember that J.D. guy. He was a student assistant upstairs for one of the other departments. I've seen him maybe twice - quit about a year ago because he didn't like the supervisor. Yeah, not so much friends.
That was such a weird phone call. Why would I be listed. Why would he expect me to remember him.
For a nano-second I felt bad because I probably hinder this boy's chances at this job.
But then it hit me: Don't list people as references who don't freaking know you!
That's the moral of the day folks. |
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| Things to be happy about |
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| 01:01pm 11/07/2003 |
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mood: content music: Happy Together - Turtles
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Today is better.
1) It is Friday. Fabulous.
2) I am enjoying leftovers - which just always make me happy. I love leftovers - especially when they are chicken enchiladas.
3)I just booked our hotel for San Francisco and play tickets for a show on the Sunday night we're there. I took a friend's advice and used Hotwire. I was a little hesitant since you don't get the hotel name until after you've paid, but I think it's going to be fabulous. A 4-star hotel for $85/night. Woo-hoo. :) Yeah. Of course my excitement was a bit subdued after I talked to my mom 30-minutes later. |
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| Pity Party Ramblings |
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| 12:56pm 10/07/2003 |
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mood: depressed music: Why Georgia - John Mayer
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I haven't written in a while. Not once this month in fact. Of course is only the 10th.
Whatever. Who cares. Not like anyone reads this crap.
I'm feeling jealous today of people who are witty and funny and write quirky journal entries that make people laugh, chuckle, get angry, weep, have some sort of response.
I guess I'll get over it. I've never been popular, why would I start now?
Yeah. Sars isn't in the best of moods today. Gee, I wonder why? Oh maybe cause my family is in the shit-hole, my job is boring me to tears, and I have a headache.
No, I'm not pms-ing. I hate that excuse for every damn time I feel like getting upset.
I'm so freakin' glad that it's Thursday. That means that tomorrow is Friday, and it's the weekend again.
I *heart* 4-day workweeks.
You know, I was going to write about my weekend, but it was overall pretty crappy and I don't feel like drudging it all up. In a nutshell - we had a four-day weekend, because Friday was the 4th and Derr and I both took Monday off. Fortunately. I don't think I could have handled being here in the office for a full week.
Next week I have to work a full week. But then......
3-days.... and then.....
I don't have to work for 7 FREAKIN' days - actually 11 counting the weekends.
I'm not really looking forward to going up north though.
As much as I would like to escape the crap down in So. Cal, it's hard to leave as well. I know that I won't mentally be able to leave it all behind, and I hate to spend a bunch of money on vacation to be miserable.
But I won't be miserable.
I won't.
I can't do that to Derrick. He's putting up with enough right now.
So this entry wasn't witty or quirky, and I don't know if I even said anything meaningful. But it's for me, and I guess I can write whatever I damn well please and I don't care what people might think.
Wish I could believe that too. I don't believe in much these days.... |
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(2 Thoughts | Share Your Thoughts) |
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| Bad + Good = Okay |
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| 12:58pm 30/06/2003 |
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mood:  chipper music: God of Wonders - WoW Worship
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My weekend averaged out to be okay.
Seriously.
Saturday sucked big time.
Sunday was pretty good.
The average weekend grade: Okay.
I figured it's better to have Saturday suck because at least I left the weekend state with a relatively good feeling. The goodness of Sunday glossed over the evilness of Saturday.
So yeah - Saturday.
Family Shit.
Enough said.
I seriously was depressed on Saturday. Granted, I have depressive tendencies, and I hate them with a passion. We didn't go anywhere on Saturday. My goal was to clean the downstairs, which surprises of all surprises, I managed to do somehow. In between states of tears, lying on the couch, and staring out the window blankly.
Around 6pm Derr and I decided that we would go out for an exciting take-out dinner at Jack-in-the-Crack. I couldn't get dressed.
Really. I couldn't get dressed to go out and get freakin' take-out food that we were freakin' bringing back to the house.
I felt like I needed to get cleaned up because I felt like a huge slob.
I change out of the baggy shortalls I was wearing.
I realized I do not own a single pair of shorts that fit.
I don't want to wear capris.
Pants are definitely out.
I sit there in my underpants on my bed staring out the window.
I put on a sundress.
I come downstairs and Derr looks at me. "Why are you wearing a dress."
The floodgates open. I wail. "I don't know. I don't have anything to wear. I can't get dressed. I am so depressed, I don't want to move. I'm hungry and don't want to eat."
I am so lucky that Derr is such a compassionate and PATIENT man.
I end up changing again. I put on my workout clothes since they actually fit. I needed to wear something fitted. When I'm depressed, big baggy clothes just make me feel worse. In my mind I picture myself, fat and slovenly, lying on the couch in dirty sweatpants. So I need to clean myself up.
So that was Saturday. Granted, I was somewhat better after I cried out, cleaned up, and ate some grease.
Sunday.
Better I'm telling you.
There's something about a clean house and spending money that can make a gal feel golden.
We did the church and lunch thing with my mum.
Came home and cleaned house - finished up from Saturday and cleaned upstairs.
Then we went to spend some money.
It was so my day. It totally made up from my lackluster shopping "spree" last week when I couldn't replace my "stretchy black sandals." Not only did I find some replacement sandals, but I found SHORTS. Shorts that fit!!! Yeah! And a few tank tops and a couple summer shirts for work. SCORE! Better yet, when I got to the register, a couple of the items where even further on sale than what I thought. Oh yeah!
See, cheery Sara.
See, cheery Sara spend money.
So today baby, I'm all dolled up in new duds. |
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luvswing's journal
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